ggrrrr

More then a little irritated today.

Not only did that false hope equate to a slap in the face, the cramps when they started were so debilitating that I did nothing all day. I managed to have 3 baths (because thats the only thing that seemed to help) but the one GOOD side was that the fertility crap would get underway.

so I thought.

I'm under instruction to go get bloodwork done on day 3, when I call the office they say check the website that is (surprise!) down, so I guess I have to show up and hope they're open. I was supposed to contact the assistant to my RE to schedule an ultrasound for day 3 (which is tomorrow) but they're out of the office until: *drumroll* jan 4th. so now, I get to wait another month and a half.

I get that they should have vacations, but hell, can't they assign 1 person to pick up phone messages? or let me *gulp* schedule my own ultrasound?

ridiculous. my day is ruined. ./end bitch.

Santa baby, slip a sable under the tree, for me...

I don't know what to think.

I don't know if I have too much progesterone, or too little. I can pinpoint to the hour when I ovulate, my back feels like its breaking and my chest hurts more then I can imagine until my period starts.

Yesterday, merry christmas to me, I start my period. well, thats what I thought. during christmas dinner with the inlaws no less. very light, which is strange but whatever.

get up this morning, go to change my tampon, and surprise- next to nothing on it.

w...t....f....?

I ususally know its coming because I have debilatating cramps for about 5-6 hours before it starts, and it continues for the first day. it will continue into the 2nd day but it eases up by the 2nd day.

nothing.

so now, I've been spotting for 14 hours, no cramps. a light dull ache but nothing that is gonna double me over like normal.

fuck the waiting game.

Catch a falling star....

Just back from the fertility appointment. Happy it happened so quickly, but I have so many more questions.

Doctor seemed to brush off my concern about PCOS, because I didn't have any 'clinical' signs of excess testosterone, which is good, but the lingering concern about my weight and diabetes is still there for me. He suggested we could do a sugar test, but it didn't seem to be high on his list of concerns. Good and bad I guess, its MY concern so I guess I kinda feel like it should be his too, but at the same time we can cross that bridge when we get to it. Not much point in getting too far ahead of ourselves.

I have 4 upcoming appointments, which is a step in the right direction. Ultrasound on day 3 of my cycle as well as a blood test, another ultrasound (HSC) at day 10, blood work on day 30. Those should give us a better idea as to whats going on inside of me. My only stress right now is that they'll conflict with our honeymoon on jan 16, but fingers crossed AF shows her ugly face before then. Worst case scenario I can have the tests done next month, but obviously the sooner the better.

Lack of sleep as made me giddy, and consider yourself warned, its only getting worse.

Recently contacted 2 baby psychics. Here's what they had to say:

Psychic 1- Your reading reveals that your BFP news comes the end of March/beginning of April from a cycle that begins in March. The baby shows as a boy and his EDD/birth date is referenced the month of December 2011 - specific reference to the 11th and 18th.

Psychic 2- BOY - DECEMBER so this is either birth month, conceive month or the month you find out in.

Isn't that quaint? More then a little creepy that they came up with the same month and sex individually, but hey I'm not complaining. Anything that offers hope, is a good thing right?

It's had to find the inspiration to write again but I'm really trying. Yesterday I spent the entire day reformatting my computer. Certainly not my idea of fun, but it was necessary. got some nasty bit of spyware, and the last time that happened I had my warcraft account stripped. not going through that again, especially not so close to the launch date of the expansion.

Clovis thinks I'm crazy.

I'll be heading down to EB games tonight, to wait 2-3 hours, maybe more, for a game. *sigh* I'm such a nerd. Not that I ever denied it, but this is the epitome of my nerdiness.

A return to the dark side.

So, at this point a few things have passed since I updated my blog.

I'm not ignoring you, really. It's only been 2 years.

Summer of '08 I met an amazing man. Online of course, I'd never have the ability to strike up a conversation with a stranger in real life. He lived about 2 hours away. we did the long distance thing a little bit. After a while I moved in.

We got married on 10/10/10. Cliche no? I'll take it a step further, I wanted to go to vegas, but he didn't want to pay for the flights. Can't say I blame him. So it was a quiet civil ceremony, wham bam thank you ma'am.

I have had nothing done about the headaches that I mentioned in the previous post, though I really tried. Dropping the drugs did not help, so it is still a constant struggle. We took a trip to punta cana in jan '10 and I had no headaches while there, save the last day which I spent reading, so I suspected it might be my eyes. A subsequent trip to an optometrist and an opthamologist disproved that theory so I'm back at square one.

After working in a call center for a grand total of 8 years, I quit my job. I essentially had a breakdown earlier this year which forced me back onto anti depressants. I've weened myself off 6 months later, and though I'm still moody and sometimes terse, it is managable. I can't really ask for more then that, can I?

So now, I'm finding myself a stay at home wife with a lot more time on my hands. You'll be hearing from me a lot, lately.