My head's still reeling.
Last night was a shit show, I'm still not really sure what to think. It had been a few days since I had seen him, but something was really...
Well it was fucking -off-.
I don't really know how to better describe it then that. He was sullen. Introverted, and fucking ANGRY. There was blood on his face, but I didn't really ask who it belonged to, he got in a fight with -someone- thought.
I get it. I remember how angry I'd been when we got the call. Like my whole world had come crashing down around my shoulders. For a while, I wasn't sure how life would go on. How could I wake up every morning knowing he was gone? I'd never get to hear his voice on my birthday again. I'd never get to see that goofy smile when he teased mom about whatever fucking fad she was obsessed with next. I'd never get to see him hug Lily, or Simon, and tell them the stories he told us as kids.
But.. it felt like there was something else. Something more.
It bugs me, it's like a scab. I can't stop picking at it, thinking about it. There's something else going on here, he's not being honest with me about it and it's driving me crazy. Do I scratch? What do I do if it starts to bleed and I can't get it to stop? Do i leave it alone, and feign ignorance? It's a ticking time bomb, a pandora's box ready to blow up in my face.
Then, there's the whole Elizabeth thing. He still loves her, I couldn't expect him not too of course, but is it smart, getting so involved with someone with so much baggage?
Probably not, but it's too late to matter at this point, I think.
Fuck this, I'mma go pwn some noobs.