Monday, July 02, 2007

Who the fuck is Alice?

I'm tryng to expand my horizons. Its working fairly well I think.

I'm getting really tired of being that shy, forgettable girl. I have a hard time showing people who I really am because I'm so mortified of rejection.

You know what I realized?

It doesn't fucking matter.

Who cares if so and so doesn't like me? Is the world going to implode? Will the planets stop revolving around the sun? Will mars crash into the earth?

No? So what the fuck have you got to be scared of then?

I'm Bright. I'm pretty cute (I think?) I'm passionate, and mature, and a genuinely good person. It took me 25 years to figure this out, but not a day too late I'm sure. So what does that mean to me? well for starters, I don't have to settle for the crappy relationships I have in the past. I know in my head what kinda guy I want, but in most cases I'll convince myself that particular flaws can be overlooked because of other things.

They can't.

I don't need to be in a relationship to be happy. I've known men who cheat. Men who lie. Men who steal. Men who make you love them, and then change their minds. Why do I need a person like that in my life? I'm just starting to build up my self esteem for really, the first time in my life. I'm confident. I'm smiling. I'd rather be on my own and lonely, then laying next to someone and being lonely.

I value everything every one of my relationships has taught me, and I try to walk away with my head held high, but looking back, I put up with a lot of shit because I didn't think I was worth it.

That changes today.

I've been working very hard the last week to push myself out of my shell, and bask in the joy of being content. I'm not all the way there, I still tend to be meek at times, but all in all its going very well. Hell, I even went down to the tattoo parlour last week to get my tattoo priced. I was SO terrified but proud of myself afterwards. I went on my own, before I wouldn't have ever done that. (they'll call me in a week or so when its ready, she had to play with it) Of course, Angie's coming with me to have it done. They didn't build Rome in a day.

I'm reading about buddhism. I like what I'm reading so far.

I guess this is enough for today. I'll make more posts soon.

1 comment:

Ang said...

Damn straight girl!!

You're awesome!