I had a lot of time to think on my way home from peterborough today.
Composition of my thoughts:
What is the basis of 'Likes' and 'dislikes'. I hate brussel sprouts, and seafood. Why do I like broccoli? Or Pears? Or peanut butter? Is it biology? I'm not sure. I'm confused by this. Why do I like pink more then red? Or sweet more then sour? what makes me an individual? I'd like to avoid waxing philisophical here. I'm not sao sure its biology, that would lead me to believe that we're more or less the same, and then we wouldn't have such a diversity. so, if its not that, what is it? A soul? what is a soul anyway?
I was discussing past relationships with a friend of mine, and a few came to mind. I really seem to have experienced everything along that spectrum. Abusive relationships, dominant relationships, passive partners. I keep thinking back to white oleander, where Ingrid tells astrid that her lover should be mild, and trembling with a flower for her. Instead, Astrid falls in love with a man, and she is the one trembling.
I think thats how I feel.
I described one relationship in particular where my mate worshipped me. He was the pleaser. He would tremble for me. As I spoke, I realized how much I hate this feeling. my friend said it was interesting that I percieved such behaviour the way I did, almost with contempt. Its true.
I've said it time and time again, I don't want to be a princess. If a man can't treat me as an equal then he isn't worth my time.
I've met someone recently and I'm ecstatic.
It feels good to finally meet someone that seems as crazy about me as I am him. I suppose I shouldn't gush too much, but it's good to be happy.